A worthless treasure

If you think it's challenging to steal a ring with incredible value and huge international significance, try giving it back.

Why Me? could have been the title of any of the 14 novels Donald E. Westlake wrote featuring his hard-luck thief John Dortmunder, but it's actually the one published in 1983. It's somebody else who originally steals the Byzantine Fire, a priceless gem coveted by the Greeks, Turks and several others. That night the stolen ring is stored in the safe of an ordinary jewelry store, but that just happens to be the night Dortmunder decides to break into that store. He spots the Byzantine Fire in the safe and thinks it's probably a fake, but he takes it anyway. Big mistake.

Dortmunder doesn't pay much attention to newspapers and TV news, so he is among the last people in New York City to hear about the museum theft. By then the police, the FBI and those various international groups have organized in pursuit of the Fire and whoever has it. Worse, because the cops are putting the heat on everyone in the city with a criminal record, Dortmunder's own usual partners in crime are cooperating in the hunt.

The Byzantine Fire may be the biggest score of Dortmunder's criminal career, yet it is worthless to him. He wants only to give it back without getting caught. But how?

Virtually every chapter in this novel — and there are 46 of them — is a comic masterpiece, and almost every character is uniquely hilarious.

The novel may be dated in some respects, yet it remains enormously fun to read.